The Wedding

DAY 12

We're still in the south of France (details at Garden of Words) and head home in three days. No word on the photos from the wedding and picnic, but we'll post links as soon as we get them.

SELECT HIGHLIGHTS

I'm not sure I'll have time to get everything updated before we leave for Europe tomorrow -- certainly no time to post photos -- so I thought I'd scatter out a few highlights of the weekend:

• Nikole's brother and sister-in-law stopped by Friday night with their friends Larry and Jen while we were entertaining in the backyard. Apparently, there's a tradition. I'm not sure where it started. Or why. What I'm pretty certain of is that I'm not likely to wear my new white cotton, lace-up thong underwear for any of them in the near future. Probably not in the distant future, either.
• Walking out of Tom and Judy's house to see my car windshield shattered into a million, loosely connected fragments -- apparently, the gusty afternoon winds decided an appropriate time and place to force a huge limb from a tree was Saturday afternoon directly above my car.
• Realizing five minutes into the very informal ceremony that it would be useful to have a bride nearby. Nikole almost missed the ceremony, waiting for a cue to emerge from the art studio in the back of the garden. Fortunately, the groom noticed that the ceremony was lacking a certain, integral person.
• Kelly and Tom, our friends and officiants. They were spectacular!
• The Cateraide staff. The food, the service, the graciousness. Utterly down-to-earth and friendly. Yay, Cateraide!
• B.J.'s toast. Now I know my brother-in-law approves of me. And he knows I'm liberal.
• Being pelted by a million rose petals as we fought our way down Tom and Judy's front walk into the night.
• The Jefferson Hotel. First, they upgraded us to a suite. Then they brought us strawberries and champagne. Then... well...
• Breakfast the next morning at Joe's Inn. Given a choice between the champagne brunch at Lemaire and her traditional omelette at Joe's, the new bride wasted no time in calling for her valeted Jeep. Our favorite waiter, Ben, gave us a complimentary breakfast, and we reminesced about the wedding.
• Nikole's mom calling to tell us that the bathrooms at Lewis Ginter Botannical Gardens were out of order an hour before our 200+ guests were scheduled to flood the gates. (The bathrooms were working by the time we arrived.)
• Uncle Curt the Clown frightened us. But he made some absolutely astonishing balloon animals, motocycles, rocketships and butterfly wings. Seeing 40 kids race around the gardens with assorted balloon accoutrements was grand.
• My friend Michelle's five-year-old son, Jackson. As the DJ put on "Frontwards" by Pavement, I happened to glance toward the veranda to see a tousle-headed boy twirling around, orange balloon sword raised high in the air, singing along with one of my favorite discordant bands.
• The Powder Pucker machine. Ten massive tanks of flavored, colored, powdered sugar for kids to pour into large, plastic tubes = a lot of extremely high-strung happy kids dancing in circles.
• Nikole.

THE BIG DAY

Saturday dawned grey and thick with hints of storm riding along the skyline. It had showered lightly overnight, and the forecast with heavy with threats -- strong winds, severe thunderstorms, one-inch hail. We shrugged, and went to breakfast.

At noon, Nikole and her sister-in-law Rebecca went to pick up the cake at The Mixing Bowl. They walked in, told the woman they were there for a wedding cake. Her face filled with confusion, as she went to search for a cake that she didn't think was there. Nikole and Rebecca discussed back-up plans, but the cake appeared and was delivered to the house intact.

Around 2 o'clock, I left for Tom and Judy's, leaving Nikole in the hands of her sister-in-law, mother and brother for a spate of hair-styling, make-up and dressing. By the time I got to Tom and Judy's house, virtually everything was done. I helped set up a few tables, we lined up the chairs for the ceremony and I headed to the screen porch to read.

Karin had gone out for citronella candles, and returned with a stricken look on her face. "Is that your car parked on the street" she asked. It was. "A tree fell and shattered the windshield..."

I really thought she was kidding, until I stepped outside to see a large branch -- about five feet long and a foot thick -- laying alongside my car. The windshield was a mess of spiderwebbed glass, caved in toward the dash. Unbelievable.

It was 3:30. Guests were arriving at 6 o'clock. I called Nationwide and played the wedding card.

It took less than 10 minutes to resolve things with Nationwide -- an appointment was scheduled for later this week with a mobile glass service. I drove the car home, taped a plastic bag over the windshield and headed back to Tom and Judy's.

The first to arrive were our official greeters -- Nikole's close friends Mary Dunne Stewart and Susan Gray Eakin with Mary's husband John in tow. They oriented themselves to the flow of things, and we waited.

Bob and Christine Grauer arrived soon after, metal tins of flowers in tow. Christine committed to providing the arrangements for the wedding at Christmas, and we crossed our fingers that something would be in bloom -- she and Bob have huge swaths of their Goochland acreage devoted to flowers and blooms. There was no need for worry. The arrangements were simple, elegant and lovely. (And they are currently scattered about our house and yard, providing an additional day or two of visual enjoyment.)

Time passed. The crowd thickened -- about 40 of our immediate family and close friends milled about drinks in hand. Nikole and her entourage gathered in the art studio at the back of Tom and Judy's garden.

At 6:30, Tom and Kelly (the officiants) and I headed to the trellis at the front of their garden. Everyone sat. The sun beamed down. Tom welcomed the crowd.

He began with a poem written by his grandmother more than 60 years ago. He joked that his notes instructed him to "say something awesome about love," (I had gotten tired during our vow writing and jotted generic notes.) and so he talked about what an awesome day this was, what an awesome thing love and relationships can be, and how all of us were temporarily free of the confusion and tempest of the world -- enclosed together in the garden to celebrate a marriage. He explained why he and Kelly were the officiants, and his relationship to me -- extending back 16 years and covering many aspects of our lives: as a boss, a mentor and a dear friend.

He then began to introduce Richard Sebastian, who was doing the first reading. I fidgeted only briefly, then turned toward Tom and said, loud enough apparently for everyone to hear, "Shouldn't the bride be here for this?" Laughter erupted, Tom looked appropriately abashed, and someone gestured for the bride -- anxiously waiting a cue from the studio.

My neice Olivia, as fickle and self-determined a creature as I've ever seen, led the way with a basket of rose petals. Slowly, deliberately, she tossed the petals to the slate pathway -- one petal at a time. Nikole followed, looking stunning (and a bit stunned) in a simple white dress.

Tom began again. Richard read from Pablo Neruda, then Elizabeth Steele read from Maya Angelou, and then Kelly performed the vows. My nephew Christopher handed Tom the rings, and we exchanged our rings. Nikole was invited to kiss the groom, and John and Nikole Sarvay were introduced amidst the flowers, the sunlight, and the tears and applause of their friends and family.

THE BUILD-UP

Nikole and I were both off from work on Friday, but spent much of the day on our own -- last minute errands, seeing people. I had lunch with my mom at Jean-Jacques in Carytown, which was a nice interlude. Then I went home and plowed through the first volume in Phillip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy -- a second read for me.

Toward the end of the day, when we realized that we had nothing left to do and an evening to burn, we began calling friends. And around 7 o'clock, we entertained for the first time on the patio -- Angie and Christian, Richard and Elaine, Liz and Stacy, Tim, Tom and Judy and Karin joined us for wine and chatter. We waded through half a case, and called it a night.

All in all, a low-key evening. Hardly an indication of the flurry of activity that was the wedding and post-wedding picnic.

PRACTICE. PERFECT.

Last night, Nikole and I met with our officiants, Tom and Kelly, to walk through the ceremony. I anticipate the most confusing part of the ceremony will be explaining why we have two officiants, and neither of them is a priest or Justice of the Peace.

When Nikole and I first started our planning -- back in December -- we pretty quickly agreed that we didn't want a fancy church wedding. As we pondered other options, Nikole blurted out, "I want Kelly to marry us!"

Kelly Trask is our yoga instructor. I started practicing with Kelly five years ago, and Nikole began going with me to her classes early last year. Learning yoga, and practicing it with Kelly, helped me to discover the value of being in the moment, of being present and of learning to release my grip on tasks, activities and distractions.

In addition to being a wonderful person, she's a tremendously centering presence in our practice. She is, in effect, the closest thing we have to a spiritual guide.

We asked. Kelly agreed. Time passed.

About two months ago, we went to get our marriage license and realized that performing a wedding ceremony in Virginia was a thicket of regulations, most of them murky. Long story short, we finally discovered that Kelly could apply for a one-time wedding officiant license that would allow her to legally perform the ceremony and sign our wedding license.

Problem solved. Not really.

It turns out that the applicant has to live in the city or county in which the ceremony will be performed. Kelly lives in Henrico. We're getting married in the City of Richmond.

Nikole and I talked it over, thought through our options and decided to ask our friend Tom Poe if he would apply for the one-time wedding officiant license.

I've known Tom for more than 15 years. He has been my boss, my mentor, one of my closest friends and as much of a father to me as my own father was. He's known and liked Nikole as long as I have. And since we're getting married in his backyard, we knew he'd be available.

So, there we were the four of us sitting in Tom's living room and discussing the flow of events on Saturday. It's an unusual arrangement -- two officiants, both significant to us in different ways, sharing the space and the celebration. I'm not sure we'd want it any other way.

GIVING FROM THE HEART

Nikole and I are so excited -- we just started getting announcements from the agencies we requested people donate to in lieu of buying us dish towels and gravy boats. One of my Georgetown school chums (since it's Georgetown, I get to start referring to them in faux Brit shorthand) was the first out of the gate, donating in our name to Doctors Without Borders. That gift was followed by a contribution to Equality Virginia from an old friend of Nikole's and his fiance, and by a large contribution by Nikole's coworkers to Project Hope. Our friends are outstanding.

    Project Hope: Nikole worked here for several years, and John is working with the Project Hope team as part of his Georgetown program. Project Hope provides support and advocacy for victims of domestic and sexual violence in four counties east of Richmond. The staff is tremendously passionate about their work, wildly under-funded, and making a real difference to people in need. You can mail a donation to Project Hope at Quin Rivers, 104 Roxbury Industrial Center, Charles City, Virginia 23030.

Equality Virginia: Virginia is an interesting state, especially when you consider it was at the forefront of religious and Constitutional freedom in the 1780s -- and quite the foot-dragger when it came to racial equality, or when it comes to the rights of gays and lesbians today. In the interests of a significant number of our friends who would like to adopt children, marry their partners or just share health insurance with the person they share their life with, we'd love for you to make a donation in our names to Equality Virginia. We're just not big fans of bigotry in any form, really. You can donate to Equality Virginia online (or find out more) or mail a donation to Equality Virginia, 6 North 6th Street, Suite 401, Richmond, Virginia 23219.

Doctors Without Borders: Medecins Sans Frontieres (also known as Doctors Without Borders or MSF) delivers emergency aid to victims of armed conflict, epidemics, and natural and man-made disasters, and to others who lack health care due to social or geographical isolation... MSF unites direct medical care with a commitment to bearing witness and speaking out against the underlying causes of suffering. You can donate directly online at the Doctors Without Borders website, or mail a donation to Doctors Without Borders USA P.O. Box 1856 Merrifield, Virginia 22116-8056.

THE PICNIC PLAYLIST

I spent a few evenings this week with my iPod and Nikole worming through 2,318 songs to find 4 hours of music we thought would serve as good background sound for our picnic reception. Here's the list:

• What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong
• Ain't That a Kick in the Head by Dean Martin
• Stumbling Through The Dark by The Jayhawks
• Four-Eyed Girl by Rhett Miller
• You Go To My Head by Billie Holiday
• Kiss Me on the Bus by The Replacements
• It Takes Two to Tango by Louis Armstrong
• What A Wonderful World by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
• The Dog Song by Nellie McKay
• New Casablanca by Shivaree
• Frontwards by Pavement
• Love Will Tear Us Apart by Nouvelle Vague
• Oppenheimer by Old 97's
• Bloomington by Old 97's
• Que N'ai-je? by Keren Ann
• Sailor & Window by Keren Ann
• Let's Go to Bed by The Cure
• Indefinitely by Old 97's
• Green Eyes by Coldplay
• Mushaboom by Feist
• The First Time by U2
• Mary's Getting Married by Silos
• I'm The Man Who Loves You by Wilco
• Mais Que Fait La Nasa? by Paris Combo
• Singular Girl by Old 97's
• Fisherman's Blues by The Waterboys
• Walk To The Water by U2
• My Wandering Days Are Over by Belle & Sebastian
• By The Cathedral by Keren Ann
• Ice Cream by Sarah McLachlan
• Such Great Heights by Iron & Wine
• The Killing Moon by Echo & The Bunnymen
• Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered by Ella Fitzgerald
• Don't Panic by Coldplay
• The Coffee Song by Frank Sinatra
• June by Pete Yorn
• Buddy Holly by Weezer
• Hover by Rhett Miller
• I Think I Love You by The Partridge Family
• Midi Dans Le Salon De La Duchesse by Keren Ann
• Shoot The Singer by Pavement
• Sunrise by Norah Jones
• Buena by Morphine
• Asleep On A Sunbeam by Belle & Sebastian
• Short Skirt/Long Jacket by Cake
• Lovesong by The Cure
• Wrapped Up In Books by Belle & Sebastian
• Expectations by Belle & Sebastian
• I Wish I Was The Moon by Neko Case
• Are You Gonna Be My Girl by Jet
• Careless Love by Madeleine Peyroux
• Dance Me To The End Of Love by Madeleine Peyroux
• Love You Madly by Cake
• I Wanna Get Married by Nellie McKay
• Wonderwall by Oasis
• The Whole Of The Moon by The Waterboys
• Power Of Two by Indigo Girls
• All I Want Is You by U2

LE HOTEL

Link: Hotel Saint Jacques Official Site

After a few fits and starts, we landed a hotel in Paris in the Latin Quarter, which puts us reasonably close to my primary destinations -- the Orsay and the Rodin Museum. It's also where "Charade" with Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn was filmed.

BAGGED

The hunt for a couple of travel packs for our trip to France has been an exhausting bit of exploration in itself. We started yesterday with a trip to the palace of attractive outdoor accoutrement's, Dick's Sporting Goods. We were assisted by an affable salesperson named Dick, who proceeded to confuse us both.

I'll take the blame for part of it. Having convinced myself that two weeks in Europe would require two college-sized backpacks (enough for a change of underwear and some socks), I tried to convince Nikole that we didn't need much more than that. "Clothes are like dandelions in France!" I exclaimed. "French fashion designers leave their merchandise lying about in tourist areas for anyone to pick up and wear! Why, when I was in Arles in 2002, Louis Vuitton personally gave me a pair of satin trousers and a bow-tie. Thierry Mugler doused me with perfume at dinner one evening! Collette Dinnigan chased me around with a koala-fur scarf."

Fortunately, she can be as wise as she is persistent. Nikole, I mean, not Collette Dinnigan. Several hours of wandering the Internet -- the North Face, Marmot, Eagle Creek, Columbia Sportswear, Dickies -- she insisted we just buy something. Anything. Even a backpack.

So we did. And I think we're pleased with our selections. We'll be even more pleased if they arrive before we leave for France.

Nikole gets the uberpack from Sherpani. They make packs exclusively for women, and litter them with little white daisies. It's even got a place for Nikole to affix her ice axe after we get through customs in Paris.

My pack is orange, and obviously designed to pull me backwards off a speeding TGV train with its low center of gravity. It's smaller than Nikole's, because she's tougher than I am and I'm only bringing one pair of socks.

If I had thought it through, I would have gotten my new Dickies messenger bag in lime green, not orange. But apparently I have a real thing for the color orange, and the design world has finally caught up with me. This will be our day pack, and we'll leave our luggage in our hotel room for thieves to rummage through uninterupted.

ANOTHER WEEKEND, ANOTHER...

Ah yes, a weekend and a wedding. Rain or shine, you can pretty much count on weddings cropping up like weeds in the springtime.

This weekend was a dash to Winston-Salem, North Carolina, to see Nikole's friend Nick tie the knot. It was a familiar trail, the road. Much of the drive down I-85 is littered with memories of childhood and young adult drives to visit my dad and stepmother, just south of Chapel Hill. We paused for a few hours to have an early Mother's Day lunch for Nikole's mom at her brother's house -- he was jetting off for a B-school trip to India Saturday afternoon.

Nick's wedding was a grand affair, and I met and re-met a host of her old friends and their families. Outside of one of the groomsmen fainting during the ceremony, and a 4 a.m. false fire alarm at the hotel, it was a pleasant, and fun, event.

This has little to do with our own event, except a sudden realization that there are a lot of small details squealing for attention. We picked up wine and champagne when we got back into town this morning, saw the flowerpots my mom is designing for the picnic and wandered around Tom and Judy's backyard -- it's going to be utterly lovely for the small, family ceremony on Memorial Day Saturday.

We also received our first registration donations, which made me very happy. We'd asked guests to consider donating to Project Hope, which does work with victims of domestic violence and sexual abuse in the Richmond area; Doctor's Without Borders; and Equality Virginia, which works on legislative issues affecting the civil rights of gays and lesbians in our conservative Commonwealth.

One of my classmates from Georgetown made a contribution in our name to Doctor's Without Borders, while Nikole's old friend Aman contributed to Equality Virginia. Much nicer than a fancy plate setting we'll use once every three years.