APRIL FOOL'S POST:
Virginia's Department of Emergency Management released a preliminary report on the Commonwealth's response to the late winter snowstorm that paralyzed Central Virginia last month. Among its recommendations -- a prohibition on the sale of milk, bread, cigarettes and condoms within 72 hours of inclement weather predictions by the National Weather Service.
"All of us know the story," said DEM Director Jack Pathos at a press conference held earlier today. "John Bernier calls for snow, lots of it. Lines of people form for carts at local grocery stores. Elbows get thrown in the dairy departments."
Pathos said DEM's study clearly shows that more pre-storm emergency room visits are logged for black eyes, broken toes and strained backs -- from in-store brawls and customers carrying too many groceries in one trip -- than after storms hit, when fractures from slips and falls are more common.