Making me smile is a tough feat, which you already know if you've seen photos of me having the best time of my life playing with my daughter, so I was relieved to discover a website that not only makes me smile but it serves a bolder purpose -- warning the public about some inherently dangerous critters. F*** You, Penguin is not just adorable. It's adorably funny. I mean, if you're okay with some language tossed in with your cute animal photos.
Here's the perfect example of what I mean:
Thanks a lot Zoological Society of London.
Yesterday, I had no idea the long-eared jerboa existed. Today, he's
hopping around all over like he owns the fucking joint. Well here's a
little bit of info now that you are on the big stage, Long-eared
Jerboa: I don't need you, the people don't need you, and you sure as
hell aren't going to get special treatment from me just because you are
a combination of a mouse and a kangaroo with a little bit of giant ears
thrown in just to be fucking difficult. And why are all the pictures of
you at night? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, JERBOA? Whatever. I was living my
life long before I knew what you were, Long-eared Jerboa, and I will go
on living my life long after I have set you as my desktop picture.
And here's additional evidence:
Why, Hamster, why? I am but one poor soul, trying to make my way in the
world. I do what every decent citizen is supposed to do. I call my
grandmother on her birthday. I recycle whenever there is a recycling
bin on my side of the room. For a living, I run a modest blog, where
every morning I get up and try to give a little back to the world.
So why do you have to be such a soul-crushing asshole? It's just broccoli, Hamster, I'm not really sure why you are all "Broccoli?! Wow, I never expected broccoli!" Everyone knows hamsters love broccoli. You are not fooling anyone. So my only guess as to why you are making that face is that you are actively trying to destroy me. Well fuck you, Hamster. Because I've got the broccoli now. Or something. Shut up.
Please just go.
So why do you have to be such a soul-crushing asshole? It's just broccoli, Hamster, I'm not really sure why you are all "Broccoli?! Wow, I never expected broccoli!" Everyone knows hamsters love broccoli. You are not fooling anyone. So my only guess as to why you are making that face is that you are actively trying to destroy me. Well fuck you, Hamster. Because I've got the broccoli now. Or something. Shut up.
Please just go.
