Richmond's Next Mayor: A Tobacco Avenue Twofer

Political satire is as American as ignoring the issues, and sometimes Tobacco Avenue delivers a strong chuckle or three. This week, the mayoral race provided plenty of laughs -- including the TA profile of Dwight Jones and its story on Paul Goldman's departure from the race. I'm still waiting for the obligatory, "Grey takes local weblogger to ABC warehouse for a drink" story.

On the profile front, Tobacco Avenue had profiled three of the now four candidates previously. This week, it was Dwight Clinton Jones' turn. Highlights:

Career: Formerly the leader of a local hip-hop group, Dwight C. “The Reverend” Jones is now a minister, is highly active in the community, and - having aged a bit since his rapping days - is known by area residents as “Rev Slow Jog.”

Community involvement: As a minister, he has petitioned God to add three more hours to each day to extend his volunteering efforts.

Not being able to profile Goldman, who may have left the race to avoid being parodied by TA, the site found itself content to cover his withdrawal from the contentious mayoral campaign:

Paul Goldman dropped out of the Richmond mayoral race yesterday and backed his opponent, a shocking announcement that came nearly three hours before he strapped a rocket onto his body, said his goodbyes, and began the 17 light-year journey back to his home planet of Goldtron...

...Before his takeoff and breathtaking ascent skyward at nearly 1,400 miles per hour, Goldman, dressed in a red-and-black jumpsuit, gave his endorsement to mayoral candidate Dwight C. Jones in a 15-minute press conference.  Goldman - who led the charge to revert Richmond charter back to an elected-mayor form of government - said that Goldtron was similarly in need of a leader to help establish a Quandu (Goldtroni for “city”) charter that would allow for the election of a Yrhmung (or “mayor”).

“Don’t be sad, ladies and gentleman, there are many great things waiting for me back on Goldtron, which being a plasma-based planet full of poisonous gasses, is incapable of supporting human life,” the 62-year-old told a small assembled crowd of citizens and media, before flipping a trigger that began his launch.  “It’s also nearly 100 trillion miles away, so speak up now if you want to vote for the only candidate who has the experience needed to create a world-class educational system for our children.”

“Anyone?  You over there?  No?  No?  Okay,” he said.